But they did not order his execution,

ruling instead that it would be still worse for him

to live with all three wives at the same time.

Two weeks later the man committed suicide.

179. Love.

I have no special doctrine or philosophy,

no set of concepts or intellectual formulas,

but only certain irrational devices

through which I can push you into the unknown.

I do not believe in any theories

or any systems of thought,

but I have faith in certain existential situations

through which I can throw you into the unknown.

Intellectual understanding is not understanding at all

but only a deception.

Understanding is always of the total,

of the whole being.

Intellect is only a part, and that too a minor one,

but it acts as the whole

and thereby creates all sorts of stupidities.

Do not be identified with your intellect.

Dissolve it into the whole of your being,

and then you will know what understanding is –

and the bliss and the ecstasy that follow it inevitably.

180. Love.

Meditation is a mirror –

and the most faithful one.

Whoever goes into meditation

risks a confrontation with himself.

The mirror of meditation never lies,

and it does not flatter.

It is impartial and innocent

and it never projects anything.

It only faithfully shows your real, original face,

the face we never show to the world,

the face that we ourselves have forgotten.

So it is possible

that you yourself

may not be able to recognize it the first time!

But do not escape from it.

Face it and you will come to know it and recognize it.

This confrontation is the first test of courage

on the inner way.

So when it comes about –

rejoice and feel blessed.

181. Love.

Yes, there is tension.

To be consciously conscious is to be tense,

but it is not because of consciousness

but because of partial consciousness.

The unconscious is always

behind the so-called consciousness.

This situation creates tension

because this creates a dichotomy, a duality;

hence the tension.

The being, which cannot be divided,

is divided,

hence the tension.

The unnaturalness of the situation

is the root cause of this tension,

and for that matter of all tensions,

because then one is not individual,

that is, indivisible;

therefore there is tension,

and one cannot really relax unless one is one.

Either be totally unconscious as in deep and

dreamless sleep –

and then there is no tension,

or be totally conscious –

and then you are in the state of no-tension

because the total can never be tense.

That is why the whole is the holy.

But falling into a deep sleep-like trance

is just escaping the problem,

and that too only for the time being,

because you will be back soon –

and worse off,

because by such escapes

the gap between

the conscious and the unconscious

is not bridged

but, on the contrary, widened even more.

One becomes split and schizophrenic.

So always be aware of the mind

because it tries to find solace in unconscious states

in so many ways –

through chemical drugs,

through auto-hypnotic means, and otherwise.

Begin to be aware of anything

which ordinarily happens unconsciously,

for example – anger, jealousy, pride –

and your consciousness will be deepened.

Act consciously,

even in day-to-day acts be conscious,

for example walking, eating, talking,

and your consciousness will be expanded.

Be alert when thinking.

No thought should be allowed to pass unwitnessed.