There was a library at the orphanage, so I read books there. One of them really fascinated me. It wasn’t about a girl but a boy, and nobody wanted him just like me. That boy, Willy, lived in the orphanage, and they hated him there and didn’t like him. As for me, they just didn’t like me, but nobody cared. In the book, there was a nanny – an angry woman who liked to beat Willy. He didn’t like it, I don’t know why… I would have agreed to be beaten just to feel needed. Then, it turned out that Willy was chosen to be taken to the magic academy, where they taught everyone to heal. I suppose they could take me too – the academy was magical, wasn’t it? I thought I was wrong to think it was just a fairytale because Willy’s mum and dad got in someone’s way. They were killed for it, but the boy wasn’t killed for some reason.

There were a lot of stairs at the academy, and some ’fenke’ would throw Willy down the stairs – he must have wanted to kill him, but I didn’t understand who it was or why. I’m not very clever, really. They knew that at school too, that’s why they called me bad words and «cripple’, but I knew I was going to die anyway, so it didn’t matter. Sometimes I wanted to be Willy Schmidt or Ingrid Schiller from the book because they were friends and, most importantly, they weren’t in constant pain. Also, I wanted to see the Grasvangtal Academy, to learn what the Forest of Fairy Tales and Mount Rubetzal were all about. It must be very beautiful. This book became my favorite, although it was about Germany, where I’ve never been and never will. Because I will die. I was told so – every day could be my last, so I waited for it because I didn’t have the strength for anything else.

I was disappointed in everything… Yesterday, I think I died again. I don’t remember what happened yesterday, but it doesn’t matter. For too long, the only friends I had were books. And Katya, of course. I read book after book as if I was carried away to other worlds, but apparently, my time had come. I knew I was going to die…

Did Mariana have a chance to survive? She certainly had. If not for the depression, not for a very difficult course of the illness, not for the indifference… The girl died and went on her new journey, hoping that it would not be painful or at least that it would be warm there. Perhaps, whoever is judging us has decided that she deserves not only a new chance but also a new challenge.

A usual ward was entered by some unusual doctor. He wore not white but soft blue clothes, so it looked unusual. The doctor looked at the tools, adjusted something in the IV, and only then shone a torch in my eyes. He probably wanted to see whether I responded to the light. I squeezed my eyes shut, and he smiled and started talking with me. Later, I realized we were speaking German, but at the time, I was surprised at what he called me. Just like in the book!

«Frau 1 Schmidt, you gave everyone quite a scare». The doctor was looking at me attentively, so my mind was filled with all sorts of thoughts. «Do you understand me?»

«I understand,» I nodded, groaning softly. At the moment, my joints hurt, not my fingers, but it seemed like everything hurt. And… I had no idea what was going on with Frau Schmidt. I had no idea what her name was. «What is my name?»

«Your name is Gabriella,» the doctor sighed and suddenly caressed my head.

It felt so good that I reached out for his hand asking for more. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Everything was so strange…

«Do not fear your condition. Memory loss is possible after a near-death experience. The good news is that the scar will not be noticeable at all.»

Somehow, it seemed to me that those words had some hidden meaning, but of course, I understood it in my own way.

«Thank you, Doctor,» I thanked him because I wanted to be polite.

The news about the scar was really good. It meant that at least I wouldn’t be pointed at. I wondered if Willy Schmidt was my brother. He didn’t have a sister in the book. That’s probably why he didn’t: I died…

The doctor had gone away on business, and I kept thinking about what was ahead of me. I couldn’t believe I was healthy, and my hands and feet hinted at the same thing. And if at that orphanage (well, in the book it was an orphanage because the boy was an orphan there), I was treated the same way as in the book, it meant… It meant they would beat me, and I could make it to the academy! In German schools, they beat children. I knew that for sure, but I did not remember when, but our teacher often told us that she would love to… «So,» I thought, «At school, you can get something that makes you breathe easier too. And later, at the academy, too, I suppose?» Life didn’t seem so terrifying anymore because before, no one just wanted me, but now, at least, I was hated (well, if I was in the book), and that’s a feeling already.

I was lying there and thinking that perhaps Mariana had died. At last. But I couldn’t grasp why I was the one in pain again. I thought that it could be just hell. I’d gotten sick when I was Mariana and hurt my mommy and daddy, so I’d been punished for it, and now I was hurting again. And there’s a scary academy ahead. It’s magical, but it’s really scary because there are a lot of stairs. And stairs can give you pain. Maybe I would get killed there too. I mean, they wanted to in the book, but that boy, Willy, he wanted to live, and I… And I didn’t have to. I wondered how old I was and what I looked like. It couldn’t be Mariana, could it?