Record your stories concerning the town planning committee supervisor, the grumpy newsagent, your school teacher, the tax office clerk, your boyfriend or girlfriend, etc. Remember to add what you did to feel better and view things differently. Do not forget that we are often the ‘idiots’ for others (and that maybe at this moment they are writing about us) … and even for ourselves.

Enjoy!

Dr Ro

Preface: The End

I think the most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first; get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work for forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement! You go to college, you do drugs, alcohol, you party, you have sex, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating … You finish off as a gleam in somebody’s eye. – Reverse cycle life, Sean Morey

WHAT A NICE way to start … from the end. Kind of unusual for a book. But this is an unusual book, for unusual people. I am confident that its content will mark the end of a period in your life and the beginning of another, becoming an important aid in reducing negative thoughts and emotions, and living healthier and happier. Now, off we go!

Story: Some escape!

On a cold and rainy winter’s afternoon at an airport, a 12-year-old boy observed several passengers at an airport, waiting for an update on their flight. The flight was delayed, and they looked worn out and glum.

“How come those people look so tired?” he asked his father.

“Perhaps because adult life is tough,” replied the father.

“You mean I will also become like that when I grow up?” the twelve-year-old asked.

Taking a minute to think, his father responded:

“Some people manage to escape.”

Is this how I’ll be when I grow up? I think I’ll pass!

Who manages to “escape?” What kind of coping strategies do people implement when faced with life’s challenges? Why is it that some individuals never seem to be able to cope while some others appear to face less adversity in their lives?

These are the questions that intrigued a number of distinguished researchers, including Paul Stolts, the University of Pennsylvania professor who shared the preceding story, and, of course, myself!

To begin to answer these questions, though, the first thing is really to understand, well, how you are doing.

How are you doing?

When asked this question, participants at my lectures and workshops are unenthusiastic. Many of them sound very frustrated. A common response is “Blah, I am constantly running around, too much stress!” As the conversation starts rolling, questions on the topic start falling along these lines.

“What is stress?”

“Is it normal?”

“Can stress be useful?”

“What are the health consequences of excessive stress?”

“I don’t have stress. Is this dangerous?”

To find answers to all of these questions, you will have to read the following chapters. To get us started, though, I will answer just a couple, selectively, right here.

The first thing to know about stress, really, is that many people believe that feeling stressed day and night is normal. Partially true. Excessive stress is like suicide. Negative emotions secrete hormones that affect our body. These same hormones may, in the long term, have negative effects on our health. Too little stress, on the other hand, may also be harmful!

When I ask “Who in this group thinks has the most problems to deal with?” most individuals put their hands up – they think it’s them.

Here are some more brief answers / teasers to frequently asked questions.

Q.: “Are there some “lucky individuals” who were born with superior resistance to stress? Is it possible to be completely “insensitive?” What can one do to reduce (or increase) stress?”

A.: “Yes. No. A lot.”

Q.: “If I read this book, will I be able to get rid of stress for good?”

A.: Okay, I will answer this one as well, for the sake of marketing the book. I guess the answer is similar to the one for the question “If I take a bath will I smell nice forever?” or “If I eat a lot, will I feel hungry again?” The reduction or, rather, the management of stress needs to be a continuous, life-long process.

Q.: “What’s in it for me if I reduce stress?”

A.: The benefits of stress management include, among other things, better interpersonal relationships, a stronger immune system and fewer diseases, making a significant step towards the realization of one’s full potential (if this can ever be achieved …), and, obviously, wellbeing and a more pleasant and satisfying life.