How fervently she searches through her cards at midnight for a glimpse at her fortune, waiting for the words: “I love you.” Yet, reality, be it death or the more mundane cries of the merchants in the market place, intervenes and breaks the spell.

The poet cannot cry, nor can she share her thoughts with others:

The loss of her lover leads to despair and brings back those fears of the unknown and her loneliness.

In an attempt to escape these thoughts she turns to earlier memories of childhood “On the ship” or tries to lose herself among the painted beauties in the Hermitage Museum where:

The religious symbolism, the churches and the bells are one refuge for her and recurring Leitmotivs in her work. She resigns herself to the loss of her loved one and decides to abandon the search for “buried treasure.” Her decision grants peace and sleep, and her resolution is firm but shortlived.

The second notebook is one of transition from Petrograd to Berlin from the fall of 1921 to the winter and end of 1922. Once again Gumilev’s death occupies a prominent place at the beginning of the book, but he is soon replaced by Vaginov, who has stolen the poet’s heart. Vera’s departure from Russia and journey to Riga and then on to Berlin give rise to another major theme of her poetry-her memories of Petrograd, the city of white, so different from the black asphalt streets and daily reality of Berlin. The holiday season of 1921 is particularly painful as she recalls earlier Christmases in Russia. The day in Germany carries none of the happiness of childhood and has almost passed unnoticed.

On New Year’s Eve she takes to her room and alone in bed she fantasizes of a lover, who is not there.

Throughout these poems there is a constancy and faithfulness this the motherland. In her poem “On Sunday” she clearly expresses this devotion motivated by the Sunday church bells which recall the sights and sounds of her beloved Petersburg.

Her enthusiasm for Russia and renewed faith in her poetry were closely connected with her encounter with Andrej Belyj, the pseudonym of Boris Nikolaevic Bugaev. Several poems are dedicated to B.N.B. and others can be readily identified with him. Here again, however, her youthful desires for a romance are shattered under the harsh reality of the middle aged poet. While Belyj undoubtedly promoted the publishing of her poems and reviews, his interest in her romantically never approached her all encompassing love.

One can trace the relationship from Berlin to Zossen, where Belyj lived during May and June of 1922, to Swinemunde where both would join the Russian community in this resort town. In a poem entitled “The 27th of October” (Belyj’s birthday was October 14 in the Old Style, October 27 on the New Style calendar) the poet expresses a willingness to sell anything, give anything to gain the affections of his love.

By year’s end Vera cries in her own room trying to find the strength to survive.

The third and longest selection of poems focuses on the “thread” of life and of poetry. Written in 1923 and 1924 the poems reflect the departure of her friends and close acquaintances from Berlin. There is no place to go, no one to love, nothing to say. Instead the poet turns to introspection, to memories, which become the sustaining element in her life. The Russian church service in Berlin, the singing of the choir, preserve the continuity of her life and her art. “Everything is so simple in God’s world” she writes, “there’s only life and death.” It is this simplicity which now becomes her goal in a life filled with complexity of emotion and desires. The spring of 1923, the indomitable spirit of youth, give rebirth to her poetic voice. She listens enviously to the words and rhythms of Marina Cvetaeva’s collection of poetry Remeslo (The Craft). Fascinated, just as had been Belyj, she reflects upon her own poetic craft and makes her own statement the value of the poet.